...Looking in your eyes and seeing mine, warning me to read the signs

If you recognize the source of the title, you'll know I've been listening to Nico. That is a really beautiful song (Fairest of the Seasons). It seems to me that most of my cathartic moments are figurative two steps forward and eventually, one step back. I figure out what needs to be purged and reorganized (emotional closets, anyone?) and then I put things back as well as I know how, but ever still, I don't have it just right, and I am ever becoming. I cry a lot these days, but not in the bad way so much. I cry at beauty, not because I'm happy about it, necessarily, it doesn't feel like such a nameable emotion as all of that, it's more like awe. It's a recognition of truth. Because of this, I have stopped wearing mascara (Another quick aside here, which you can't be surprised about with my unabashed use of parentheses: "We should boycott women who do not cry"). It's what I love so much about art, in the widest sweeping sense of the word (I don't want to hear some canned bullshit phrase about anything here). Movies and books in their own different ways especially because stories are exceptional things that have the depth of time that a painting doesn't (usually) have. Movies, in particular, capture the spirit of something in a way that nothing else can (ditto for books, but in a completely different way, obviously). I feel like whenever I find this amazing expression of an incredible truth, be it a human aspiration, the deepest depths of wretched emotion, giving up, never losing hope, etc, it is the most beautiful thing to me and I often cry, but always it gives me a swelling of emotion and a desire to take in as much of these things as possible and then when I'm ready, make them myself.

So here, Gentle Reader, I have embedded for you a clip that I will file under "human aspiration."

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.