Please note that the following portions concerning relationships and individual gender roles probably does not (to my better knowledge) apply to homosexual people or their relationships. I'm not trying to be indelicate in saying so, it is simply that I cannot pretend to know about the proper dynamics of relationships of that nature. Also, as I am speaking about what we "should" be, note well that this is all of my very own experience and it is quite necessary for me to fulminate on this topic or I shall feel as though I am never quite through with it. Furthermore, you may also note well that I am always quite out of fashion with the times, these days. At least my style of writing and speech is, to be sure. Besides these asides upon the nature of the intentions of these writings, I feel that no apology is required because herein lie my own beliefs, which are made honestly and with a good heart, even if they are quite wrong.
Tell me, too, where is the fine and modest woman? Where is the feminine woman gone to? I shall not be persuaded that femininity is accurately portrayed by gaudy celebrities. Where is the caring creature? When can we say today that we have ever truly seen a lady?
I will not be barked at for desiring something beautiful that has now withered and become most misunderstood. I never mean to say that a woman cannot herself explore, that she cannot be as passionate as a man might be. No, never! I never mean that men and women are not equal in value. I wish for men to again be masculine! I wish for women to again be feminine! I wish for people to work for their own self-improvement.
When have we ever shunned an elegant and graceful woman with charge of herself and not the least need to reaffirm herself through the mirror of others? The woman who cares for her friends and speaks not ill of anyone with either malicious intent or shallowness and irresponsibility? When could one scorn a woman of discretion, modesty, and integrity? At which point did these things all go out of fashion? When did being a kind, loyal, and thoughtful woman go out of style and being frivolous, vain, catty, and tacky come in?
What did happen to a man who possesses both zeal and composure? A caring, thinking, wondering man who is loyal and moral? A man who respects a woman well enough to protect her body from ill-use, both from himself as well as others? While on the subject of respect, now that the lady reader has had the opportunity to agree with the need for a man who respects women, how about a woman who respects a man? She should respect him as her equal and partner, as one she loves, as one who loves her. She should, likewise, protect his body from being used merely for the exhaustion of her lust and desires. She must respect his body, heart, and mind as precious things. She must expect the same from him. No corners are to be cut for either sex. You both pull from within you everything you have, and only when both are working equally and sincerely with honesty and a good sort of selflessness that is not without self-respect, with both be able to attain their balanced happiness together. Or so this is my experience. I believe it to be a universal truth, but to state it as fact to be so will only bring more letters of disgust than I can afford time, mind, or heart to reply to.
Even when out of fashion, virtue should never be out of mind.
It is a thing perceived as being straight-laced and inhibiting, when, in fact, it is the very key to our happiness, written down for us already. Its being written down before makes us only more suspicious and thus rebellious, but I promise you that when both parties in a relationship work towards virtue, they will be the better, the happier.
I have strong feelings, too, on sexual morality which will be well-received by few. I will not include them here yet.
Edit (10 March 2008): correction of a typo.
5 comments:
You've got to ask whether those descriptions of a masculine man and a feminine woman every really existed, or if they were just figments of some imagination...
I quite think that they did, or at least were models once strived for and once displayed as ideal.
They existed. They still exist. They are not numerous. They never were. In general, we found each other, and we held on for dear life. In our case, for 38 years so far.
I am too glad to hear someone say so. It feels the same for me, although it's just a beginning- over a year we've been working on it and for almost three months we've been making it work and better understanding ourselves.
good thoughts. well done. keep writing.
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